The Cat Test

How much cat are you? Answer five questions. Get a percentage. Live with it. The Cat Test asks the important things. Do you have whiskers? Do you pay rent? Do you land on your feet? Every cat-like answer pushes your score higher, and a deeply unscientific analysis takes its time before delivering the verdict, anywhere from NOT A CAT to CERTIFIED CAT. Clear 80 percent and you get a crown and confetti. Questions are drawn at random from a bank of 150, so no two tests are quite the same. THREE WAYS TO PLAY The Test. Five questions, one verdict, and a score that climbs and clicks its way up to your total. Zoomies. The arcade mode. Questions arrive one at a time on a shrinking clock that starts at four seconds and never stops tightening. Answering like a cat buys time back, so being a cat is finally worth something. There are two ways to lose: let the clock run out and the cat falls asleep on you, or answer like a human five times and it walks off with its tail up. 2 Players. Pass the phone. Both players answer the same five questions, because who is more cat only means something if the test was identical. Nothing leaks during the match, no running totals and no reactions from the cat. Both scores reveal at the end, then a crown for whoever is more cat and a taunt sized to the gap. THINGS WE FUSSED OVER A pixel cat that bobs, blinks, and meows when you poke it. Chiptune sound generated on the fly, with haptics to match. A rising mrrp for cat answers, a falling mrow for human ones. CRT scanlines, chunky retro buttons, and a proper fanfare when you score well. Score a perfect 100 percent on the solo test and you unlock an alternate home screen icon: the same cat, wearing a crown. Three free plays a day, shared across all three modes, reset at midnight. Nine Lives is a one-time purchase that removes the limit for good. No accounts. No ads. No data collected. Just a cat, quietly judging you.